I've always been fat, had fat, however you want to say it. Weight has been an issue for me ever since a boy on the playground made pig noises at me in the fourth grade. I spent years perfecting ways to hide my body--the rolls, the curves, and then the stretch marks. I wore baggy jeans. I wore hoodies and formless, too large T-shirts. My issues with my weight led to, or maybe exacerbated, my self-esteem in other parts of my life: I couldn't be beautiful
because I was fat. I was fat so therefore I was lazy.
Being fat made me not worthy.
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| There were a lot of floral patterns in the '90s. |
If I could tell High School Me one thing, it would be: you are beautiful. Period. You aren't lazy, you are ambitious and hardworking and you will prove yourself and others wrong about what a girl, fat or not, can do. You are more than worthy. You have fat. Fat is part of your existence, and it will always be a part of who you are, but it does not mean that you are less than. There will be days, weeks, months that you will continue to struggle with who you are and how you look, but you will have friends that will lift you up and have your back. You have family that loves you no matter the size of your jeans or the dreams that you chase.
And one day, you will step on the scale after months and months of hard work and be at a number that you never thought possible.
That's where I'm at today.
I've reached a milestone in my weight loss journey and I'm proud of myself and thrilled to be where I am. I still have a long way to go before I reach my "goal weight", but I'm a little over halfway there.
I still am plus size and and have rolls, curves, and stretch marks. I still have fat. But I'm not lazy. I'm beautiful and have self-worth, which is worth more than what I thought the boys in high school would give me.
Be proud. Be happy. And continue to kick ass.
